I decided to write about grief or emotional pain today. I woke up this morning missing a dear friend who had passed last year. I had a dream about him that was so real I forgot he has passed. Grief makes people uncomfortable. However, there is no getting around the conversation. We all have to have it one point and time in our lives. We can only run from it for so long; it will catch up unexpectantly.
No Stranger to Loss:
I have had family and friends pass over the years. However, grief comes in many packages, not just death. You may grieve a loss of friendship. When having a child born with a disability, you may mourn the child you thought you were having, as I have. When a loved one is ill, there can be grief as well. I have been paralyzed with fear when my daughter had strokes which led to a disease with a weird name, Moyamoya, and two major brain surgeries.
I am sure you can relate to what I am saying. My understanding is while people can be sympathetic to what you are going through, people can only feel their pain and I honor this. We all suffer differently. We all process grief individually and we all have different ways of dealing with these issues. I also believe that some pain most people won’t even entertain. The mere thought is too painful. We protect ourselves by putting up barriers instead of drudging through.
What I learned is we need to honor it all no matter what package it comes. We need to give our grief or pain a voice and allow ourselves to work through it. If not we will keep it, internalize it, and maybe become ill.
Grief and Being Empathic:
It was too late before I realized what I was doing to myself. I had already internalized all of my childhood wounds, external negative feelings, real or not, and social issues that I would overhear. Throw being empathic in the mix and WOW the weight of the world is on my shoulders (or so it feels). I am five years old, and I am concerned about pollution, saving the animals, starving children, wishing I was never born because the thought of my loved ones dying was too much to bear and to top it off night terrors. I mastered internalizing everything real or what I perceived as real. I ingest all of that pain in conjunction with the genetic predisposition for autoimmune diseases and wham! Rheumatoid Arthritis rears its ugly head at the ripe old age of 35. Autoimmune and internalization is a subject all within itself. I will go into my theory in a later blog. I chose to touch on it now as I believe the process of letting it go is crucial for your wellbeing. You must allow yourself to release these energies or you will be carrying a lot of unnecessary baggage for decades. Your emotional body is just as important than your physical if not more.
I am not a therapist. I have no degree. I am speaking solely from personal experience and my spiritual perspective. I want to make it clear that seeking help from a professional therapist or grief counselor is encouraged and may be necessary for you to achieve your goals. I have several times. I affectionately called the therapist my “buy a friend.” I pay them to listen to me bear my soul without judgment. The benefits to seeing a therapist are insurmountable. You learn coping skills and you can purge things you would not dare say to anyone you love. Sometimes the ugly you are spewing is just that, but it needs to surface.
Most of us will shove the grief so far down it makes us physically ill. I believe that when we stuff our emotions, it becomes a part of us. We hold onto it so hard that it embeds itself into our cells. It multiplies creating a being all of its own. It is a symbiotic relationship of which we are unaware. The older we are, the more experiences we have. The more experiences we have, the more we push down so we feel nothing. It plays over and over year after year with no release. When something big happens, it knocks the wind out of us, and we don’t have a clue what to do.
The Best Gift is to Allow the Process: Give that Ugly a voice, so you can let it go!
Everyone’s process is different. I will share how I move this unwanted energy. I tend to reflect on an issue and see it from all directions as I have been trained to do in my healing practice. Then I sit in it. Yep feel all that Ugly! Good, Bad or Indifferent. It is not pleasant, but I believe it is courageous. Allowing yourself to feel however you need to, with no judgment, is a difficult task. Then I ground it out. I do this a few different ways.
Grounding the Fear
- I go outside and lay on the ground giving my grief to the Mother. I rest with the intention Pachamama is supporting me by allowing me to release all my fear into her.
- I go for a meditative walk in nature collecting sticks maybe the size of a pencil. When I return home, I blow all my pain into the sticks with the intention to release the pain. This act liberates the pain from my physical body. I safely burn the sticks with the unwanted energy in a ceremony. These types of rituals are commonplace in my spiritual family. If support is needed, our spiritual family is available to serve.
- I use the power of the trees. There is incredible power in trees. I find a huge grandmother or grandfather tree and just grab hold releasing all the negative stuff I need to. I may cry or visualize the grief leaving cleaning my soul of all the pain I am carrying.
After one or more of these exercises are concluded, and there is residual energy still present in my energetic body, I will call on another practitioner to remove it for me.
I hope this information serves you. Please feel free to leave a comment or question below. If you want more insight click here to set up a free 15 consultation. I would be glad to speak with you.
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